I ran into Charley the Winters Express publisher a week after
my last column ran and he said “your column was the most depressing column I’ve
ever read”. OK, I can’t argue with that. It was supposed to be about the
December downer that a lot of us feel. I had a few other people tell me that
they could relate and also have some of the same feelings. Anyway, writing that
column and spending time thinking about how I lean towards the pessimistic view
of life just made me wonder WHY?
Coincidently that week I was looking
through an old box of photos, birthday cards, and papers that had been stashed
in the basement. I found my high school diploma that my mother had returned to
me ten years ago when she was moving to a smaller place. When I opened it there
was also my birth certificate as well as my Argentinean I.D. card from when I
was 4 years old. There was also a folded up piece of yellowed dried out paper
that I didn’t recognize. To my surprise when I unfolded it, it was a type
written (for lack of a better term) poem. I recognized it as something I had
written in my early teens and man did it hit home.
I’ve been wondering of late if all
my thoughts about the state of the world and of my feelings about life in
general are a product of age or have they been there all along? This poem kind
of answers that question. I’m going to try and reprint it for you to read with
all its grammatical and spelling errors intact. Here it is, my first and (as
far as I can remember) only attempt at poetry. Hey, and don’t laugh. Remember I
was probably only in 7th or 8th grade when I wrote it.
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I guess we can safely say that I’ve been feeling for a long
time now that the world we live in is a pretty messed up place. I also hate to
say it, but I think my generation has made it worse. I am part of the original
“Me Generation”, we were self absorbed during the 70’s and obsessed with
material greed in the 80’s. We are the reason the economy is in the toilet
without a safety net for many to hang on to.
Of course when you’re talking about such a large group you
have to generalize a little. Not everyone I knew was a money grubbing immediate
self gratifier, but I did know a few and I have to admit I had my moments. What
I can say is that in my own small way I have tried to change things. Not the
whole world just my immediate sphere of influence.
To help combat overpopulation I had a vasectomy before I
could produce another mouth to feed. As a small business owner in the early
90’s I used to save and store all my cardboard, cans, and bottles. I would then
haul them down once a week to the lone (volunteer run) recycling center we had
in town. I also got fired from my 80’s corporate job in part because I was too
vocal about my displeasure with the greedy direction my boss (and peer) was
taking his company. Most of all what I have always tried to do is just be a
good person. I try to treat people, places, and things with respect, compassion,
and empathy. Of course I am human so I haven’t always succeeded but I do try.
So this brings me back to the question of being pessimistic.
Maybe I’m thinking too much about the label itself and wanting to identify with
it. If in my life I keep trying to make things better then I must also be
optimistic that it can get better. So am I both or neither, is the glass half
full or half empty? You know what I see when I look at that glass, I see half a
glass. I guess that just makes me a realist.
To view the column in it's original form go to page 16 of the following link. Winters Express 1/31/13
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