You know the
old saying about seeing the world through rose colored glasses, well my glasses
are gray. I know I know, with all my columns about pessimism and negative
outlook on life would you expect anything less? Well here’s a twist, I’m not
talking about the gray of that dark cloud hanging over my head or of the gray on
my head that comes with age. I’m talking about that lovely shade that exists
between the hard edges of black and white. I’m talking about the gray of
compromise, the gray of seeing both sides of the story, the gray of knowing
that life is indeed not black and white.
When I was a young man of Twenty-two
I went to work as a forklift driver at a beer distributorship. My immediate
boss was an ornery old (probably the age I am now) red headed guy named Tommy who
had been working for the company most of his life. When it came to his
warehouse it was definitely a case of black and white. “This is how we do it,
this is how we've always done it, and this is how we will continue to do it.”
Of course me being the passive-aggressive kind of guy I am, I would just say OK
and do what I wanted to do anyway. Needless
to say we butted heads a lot and didn't get along very well.
Unfortunately for both of us, within
a few years I went into management and became Tommy’s boss. We still didn't get
along and now it was his turn to undermine my authority. Now I was the one being
ridged, fighting with him about not following the “new” rules. I wish that I
could say that we both found the “Enlightenment of the Gray” and compromised on
issues and learned to get along. But that’s not what happened at that point in
my life, we never really got along. Years after I had left the distributorship
I saw Tommy at a funeral and he still wouldn't talk to me. I guess it didn't
help that he was the one in the casket (just kidding, but it did make you
laugh).
In my youth I was much more in touch
with my gray side, I could listen to two sides of a story and they both made
sense and sounded valid to me. I bet that’s why I never went out for the debate
team. As I got older and became a boss and business owner I lost sight of the
Gray and became much harder. I’m the boss and it’s my way or the highway. I got
caught up in the power and now with hindsight I can see that I wasn't really a
very good boss.
In my personal life I wasn't much better. Diane and I now
laugh about how earlier in our relationship I would say “No” (much like my
father before me) to just about any request she made. I sure wish now that I
had listened to her when she said no to my business ideas instead of just
pushing ahead anyway. Luckily and through hard work and perseverance there is
much more Gray in our marriage today.
Sadly today in this country as a whole there doesn't seem to
be much room for Gray. In politics it’s
about Red verses Blue. In business it’s all just about the mighty Green. In
energy we’re still way too dependent on Black oil and coal. And when it comes
to dealing with other countries it’s all just about the Red, White, and Blue.
So what’s the point or reason for this column today? It’s
because now as of late, I once again find myself having to deal with people who
only seem to see the world in black and white. You’re either with me or against
me, my friend or my enemy, I’m right and you’re wrong, etc. etc. etc… I wish
that they could see the Gray that’s all around us. That in almost everything
and every situation there is room for compromise and in so many of those
situations there is a need for compromise.
That’s what I’m calling the “Enlightenment of the Gray”, the
understanding that in this world of Seven Billion plus people we are not alone.
If we want to survive in our society, in our community, in our family, in our
work, and in our play, then we all need to get along. The best way I know to
get along and avoid the fray is to be, “One with the Gray”.
To view the column in it's original form go to page 15 of the following link. Winters Express 3/14/13
