I’m Sick of Stressember.

I originally started writing this column about how I always get sick when my body and mind go into stress overload and how invariably it always seems to happen around the holidays. The first and worst time I remember this happening was when I was in my early 20’s and it was the week before Thanksgiving. I was all stressed out about my first real job, my first real relationship, and my first real apartment. At that time I was also smoking so what started out as a cold ended up being 2 weeks in the hospital with pneumonia. There’s nothing quite like turkey dinner on a plastic tray with a side of “jello” and a swig of codeine cough medicine.

So anyway that’s how I handle (or mishandle) stress, I let it build up until my immune system weakens and then wham, I’m sick for a week. Everyone copes with stress differently and that’s what I want to write about but first let’s talk about “Stressember”.

Stressember is the 30 days between Thanksgiving and Christmas and it all starts with the ominous sounding “Black Friday”. I don’t really get stressed about shopping because I don’t hardly do any for Christmas, for me it’s about the Birthdays. You see I’m surrounded by December babies, starting 2 weeks before Christmas I have birthdays for my Mother-in-law, my twin siblings, my deceased Father-in-law, and my wife Diane. And if that wasn’t enough my sister who was murdered has the same birthday as my wife, so Diane is always trying to keep it low key so as not to upset my Mother.

Part of the stress I feel also comes from the constant bombardment of holiday music and having to answer the holiday small talk questions from everyone you run into. “Are you ready for Christmas?”, “Got all your shopping done?”, “Are you going anywhere?”. The reality is I’m not a religious person so I don’t get into the spiritual aspect of the holidays, I’m not much of a consumerist so I don’t need or want to give any more stuff, I’m not that big on socializing so I don’t care about Christmas parties. I guess in short all I can say is “Bah Humbug”, but unlike Ebenezer Scrooge I don’t begrudge anyone that wants to get into the holiday spirit. If putting up lights and a tree, or fighting the crowds to buy that perfect gift, or even listening to the same songs over and over, if all that makes you happy then more power to you. Because ultimately that’s what the holidays are all about, just being happy for a little while and forgetting about all the troubles in the world.

OK, so the troubles of the world bring me back to my original column about stress.  My stress about the holidays, work, money, and mortgage, how does that compare to the stress of someone living with the constant gunfire of war and not knowing when or how it might end. That’s how a lot of people in the world live today, whether civilians or military in a war zone it has got to be a lot of stress. Donald K. Sanders often writes in the Express about his time in Vietnam and about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). While reading one of his emotional columns I thought to myself, hey I’ve got PTSD as well. Not the Post Traumatic kind but something different, I’ve got Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In other words I’m always stressing about something terrible that hasn’t happened yet but just might. Oh I don’t know, how about I’m pretty sure I’m going to die and everyone I know and love is eventually going to die as well.

OK, before you get all stressed about me funning on PTSD, I know it’s real and I know it’s serious.  My point is that worrying and stressing about the future can sometimes be just as debilitating as stressing about something that’s already happened. I wonder about all those people living in war zones and how do they cope? How would I deal with it if I already get sick from just my non life threatening worries? What about our bigger worries? Man made: over population, global warming, nuclear bombs or the depletion of our natural resources. Natural: earthquakes, hurricanes and tsunamis. Bad people: terrorists, politicians, and Wall Street bankers. Disease:  bird flu, swine flu or the Andromeda Strain. Crazy stuff: asteroids hitting earth, aliens invading, or what about the rapture.

Maybe it’s because I’m older and not so naive. Or maybe it’s the constant bombardment of negativity from the mass media. Or maybe it’s just my pessimistic personality. Or maybe I’m just worrying for nothing (but that’s a whole other thing to worry about). All I know is that there is so much to worry about and so little time, no wonder I’m stressed.

To view the column in it's original form go to page 13 of the following link. Winters Express 12/22/2011

An altered state of mind

I’m sure some of you have noticed that drug use keeps popping up in many of my columns. I guess partially it’s because during my youth it was such a big part of my life and partially it’s because I feel nostalgic about them and my youth as well. Recently I was talking with a pillar of our community who in referring to my openness about my drug use said they could never publicly be as open and then proceeded to tell me how much they used to love Cocaine and how they met their future spouse while buying coke. I could definitely hear the nostalgia in their story. I think one of the reasons I have always been open about my drug use is that I never had children and never needed to set a good (if dishonest) example for them. Many of my generation have white washed their history for the sake of the children, the boss, or even the nation as in Bill Clinton’s “I didn’t inhale” story.

Before I go on with the unwashed story let me be very clear, I have not used any illegal or “prohibited” substances since one second before Midnight on August 29^th, 1985. That’s over 26 years ago and shows how important it was to me that I remember my last toke, not coincidently that was the night before my first wedding anniversary. Marijuana was my drug of choice, I started smoking when I was 15 and pretty much never stopped until I was 28. Through most of my 20’s as an employee and business manager I was a functioning Pot-aholic, I smoked everyday and even rationalized it by saying that no one knew me straight and I had to stay stoned so they couldn’t tell the difference.

I think its way too extreme to say that drugs ruined my life because I don’t have a bad life. What I can say with all honesty is that drugs changed my life and put me on a different path. As an adolescent I was curious about things, I liked to read even if it was mainly science fiction and comic books, I liked sports even if I was chubby and not very coordinated, and I had friends that I played and learned with. Once I started getting high, life just became about getting high. I lost interest in learning, my shyness was exacerbated, I became less physically active, and my social skills stagnated. Sure, my life went on and there were so many other social and family factors that also contributed to my development (or lack thereof) but in the end I didn’t fulfill my potential. I had the intelligence and the opportunity to go to college and become anything I wanted to be, I just didn’t know what I wanted to be other than high.

All that being said, it may surprise most of you but I think the Prohibition on recreational drug use should be lifted. That’s right; I think pot, coke, psychedelics, and just for arguments sake maybe even heroin should be legalized. Let’s wave the white flag and end the war on drugs once and for all because the reality is that we can’t win. Let’s face the fact, human beings like to alter their state of consciousness, they like a feel good buzz. The only problem is that some of us like it a lot more than most.

For perspective let’s start with a little history from Wikipedia. Alcohol (beer and wine) the grand daddy of mind altering substances: “The discovery of late Stone Age beer jugs has established the fact that purposely fermented beverages existed at least as early as 10,000 BC.” Marijuana: “Evidence of the inhalation of Cannabis smoke can be found in the 3^rd Millennium BC, as indicated by charred Cannabis seeds found in a ritual brazier at an ancient burial site in present day Romania.” My point is that humans have been using and in some cases abusing mind altering substances for thousands of years and I think the desire for the pleasure it gives us is somehow ingrained in our genetic makeup.

I don’t have enough space here to go through all the pros and cons of lifting the prohibition on recreational drug use but I would like to say that the economic and social cost of drug related crime (85% of all crime) is more than our country can afford. Those monies would be better spent on substance abuse counseling and improving the social, physical, and economic health of those most in need. Also just like with the current safety laws on alcohol use, I would say don’t drug and drive, wait to use until your old enough (stay out of your parents stash), and most of all know your limits.

So what about all the addicts or abusers like me? In my opinion it’s all about personal responsibility, if I need help you can suggest it or I’ll ask for it. Otherwise it’s my problem, let me deal with it.

To view the column in it's original form go to page 13 of the following link. Winters Express 12/1/2011